It's okay to talk...

The title, a stolen strap line from Andy's Man Club, the message "It's okay to talk..." is more necessary today than ever. That a person can recognise where they are in the moment - the past (been through a storm), the present (going through a storm), the future (have a storm brewing) - are critically important if that person is going to be able to take that first step on the ladder to getting the help they need.

Recognising and acting on a feeling are two very different things. Recognising is in itself an often difficult thing, it's often not obvious to us how incidents past, present and on the horizon might be affecting our behaviour - our mood, our anxiety, our focus - and others who know us may often see these changes first, but not always.

Once we do recognise we have an issue, that we're not functioning properly or at least as we would like, what we think is the issue might not actually be the case. In these moments it can be easier to assert that your job is the problem, that it's the relationship you're in, that it's financial worries. And who knows, maybe that is the case, but there are so many things it could be, things we're hiding from ourselves. If we hide things from ourselves, then we're never going to be able to ask ourselves the right question. Without asking the right question, how can we expect to get the right answer and ultimately, get better?

So what can we do about that?

Family and friends

If you've got a good network of family and friends, it doesn't have to be a big network, they can probably already see you're not yourself. But they can't help you if you don't begin to tell them that you don't feel great. And if one of them approaches you to ask if you're okay, it can be hard to say, "No, I'm not."

It can seem like a massive hurdle, exposing yourself to being vulnerable. It might give you that feeling of not being man enough to deal with a situation yourself. But how many times have you helped someone, listened, chatted, changed someone's mood from melancholy to something better? Probably more than you think. This works both ways.

Support networks

Some people aren't lucky enough to have a family and friends network, or might simply be too scared to say anything. That's okay too. But if you recognise you've got a problem, confused as to what it is but know you've got to deal with it, that knowing has already given you the breakthrough you need.

Where Andy's Man Club provide talking groups, a safe space for men to talk freely when elsewhere in their lives they may not feel able, there are also organisations who offer more acute services, offering a wide range of individual support, such as Platform 1 men's mental health and crisis charity. They're two examples of very different, but hugely valuable organisations. I choose to raise money for Platform 1 because it's ultra-local and I see what they do beyond the talking.

There are of course many more organisations who can help if you're struggling with mental health issues. There is a list here:

Mind.org

A message to employers

I think there is a lot more recognition from employers these days, that they need to make sure their staff are mentally healthy, that there is support available if needed. I know where I work it is something we try to achieve not just through services staff can access directly, but through some of the activities that staff are encouraged to participate in.

I'm sure there is more we can do where I work, but also that some organisations might not even have a fraction of what we have. This is where it's important for employers to look for outside support and guidance. It really is crucial.

It's probably because I'm musically and creatively driven, that I really like what Keep Real do, delivering workshops and talks to NHS staff, universities and festivals, running creative workshops to explore self-awareness through writing. Allowing staff to get creative isn't your traditional approach to developing better mental health, but we are by nature creative beings. We don't have to be shackled by our jobs, and I believe employers can benefit greatly from a more active and creatively minded workforce.

Remember...It's good to talk, it's okay to talk.

Go and seek the answers you need.

What is All my Ghosts? Foreworded is forarmed ;-)

It's occurred to me that I should have perhaps written about what the book element of 'All my Ghosts' sooner, but here we are. That element already exists in the form of the Foreword, but unless you have the book you're not going to see it. Let me help you...

This is the essentials of what you need to know, and should you buy the book and album, the rest for you to make of what you will.

The album to accompany the book contains 9 songs, the lyrics for each of which are printed within its pages. Such is the ambiguity of lyrics and what each song may mean, I thought it not for me to take that away from someone. In place then, for each song there is a corresponding short story.

Whether lyric or prose everything is from the heart. The majority of it tripped out of my head onto paper with few backward glances or amends, but as easily as it flowed it has not been without difficulty. Anyone who has taken the time to write anything creatively will be aware of the emotional strain it can have, not least if you hit on some brutal honesty that you didn’t know was coming.

Everything within the pages spans love, loss, hope, happiness, hurt, nostalgia and the general reflections and contemplations we all have in our quiet moments. Everything within these pages spans between truth, fiction, memory and false memory - a blended imperceptible narrative, a story. I think it may be a seeking for some kind of redemption, from what I can’t be sure. Let it mean what it means to you.

I was going to go down some philosophical route about time not being linear, that linear time is only a human construct, designed to control the masses from the point they check into the world to the time they check out. Whereas for each individual, time is a blend of past, present and future, each having an influence over the other to build on our daily narrative - our own story. This is what I have come to believe. Whether you agree, I leave that conundrum to you.

With love

Spencer – the dead poet

A thank you...it's good to share

Sometimes we like to think we can do everything ourselves. And actually, we probably can in most circumstances. But in doing everything ourselves, we can also end up with something which is somehow less than what we wanted or envisaged. It's why, when I decided I was going to produce a book to go with the All my Ghosts album, I asked for help.

At the outset I knew I would need some photographs. Come the end, I knew I would need someone to edit the stories. And asking for help under any circumstances isn't always easy, especially when you feel like you don't know what you're doing, and know you're going to have to explain and share with someone content and ideas of something quite personal.

But people can be quite brilliant and I am grateful to two in particular, without whom I wouldn't have got this project over the line in quite the same way. It was their professionalism, skill and honesty that meant working with them was a joy, gave me confidence in the project, and produced something beyond what I'd first imagined.

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Elinor - The Photographer

When I approached Elinor to ask if she'd be interested doing a photoshoot for my book, explaining that proceeds from sales were going to Platform 1 men's mental health and crisis charity, she was really supportive from the outset.

We exchanged a few messages about the project, what I was aiming for, the look and feel. I sent her the song lyrics and some of the early story drafts. Later we met up and had a really nice conversation about what some of the songs meant to me, and about some of the stories. It was nice for me to be able to discuss things at length, and I felt she really got it.

A few weeks later we spent an afternoon together doing a photoshoot at her studio and out on the moors. There's something quite uncomfortable being the subject in a photoshoot, but Elinor was great and I ended up really enjoying it.

I was really pleased with the end product. She absolutely got the brief and I am incredibly grateful, because the photos are a perfect fit.

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Rezina - The Editor

I couldn't have handed over my book to anyone better, when it came to editing. The critical thing for me in asking Rezina if she would do this, is that I knew I could trust her to be honest. Of course, you've got to have the skill and intelligence, but honesty was always going to be key alongside these things.

And honest she was, in such a warm and disarming way that even when she told me a couple of the stories actually didn't make sense, in the wider feel and context of the book, not only was I not offended, I actually listened.

It would have been easy to reject her comments at this stage, namely because I didn't want to write any more stories or adapt what I already had. But I could see she was right, so like a dutiful student I went away and did what I was supposed to - wrote two new stories more befitting and contextually significant.

In all, it was a case of reminding myself of why I asked her to edit the book in the first place. And that's about trust. Saying to someone, "Here, please review and critique my feelings for me" is not an easy thing to do. Fulfilling that role I'm sure comes with its own pressures. Rezina was brilliant.